I was kinda familiar with this one thanks to seeing the trailer starring none other than Christopher Lee on countless trailer compilations, but I had never actually seen the movie. He originally filmed the scene for another film, but the footage wound up being sold to a different company who repurposed it to sell Meatcleaver Massacre. (Although I’ve seen reviews mentioning he’s in the movie in wraparound segments, Lee unfortunately doesn’t appear in the version currently playing on Tubi.) Oh, and while everything I’ve always seen for the film has referred to it as Meatcleaver Massacre (that’s even how it’s listed on Tubi), the actual on-screen title is Hollywood Meat Cleaver Massacre, so that’s the title I’ll be reviewing it under. (I was trying to keep all these “Massacre” movies in alphabetical order, but oh well.)
So, I already knew the backstory of Hollywood Meat Cleaver Massacre going into it. However, I had no idea it was (presumably) co-directed (uncredited) by freakin’ Ed Wood! Plus, he also appears in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it cameo as a photographer. Also cameoing is the future writer of Jaws 3-D Guerdon Trueblood, who plays a nuthouse doctor. I know they were probably never once in each other’s sphere, but I think it’s amazing that Lee, Wood, and the writer of Jaws 3-D all worked on the same movie.
A professor’s home is invaded by a gang of psychotic students who kill his family (including his dog) and leave him paralyzed. While drifting in and out of a coma in the hospital, he invokes the name of a Gaelic spirit of revenge (don’t fuck with a professor who is an expert on occult studies) so the little shits will receive their just desserts. That’s right, folks. It’s Death Wish Meets Patrick… with nary a meat cleaver in sight.
I’m not sure what scenes Wood was responsible for because it all seems fairly cohesive. If I had to guess I would say he had a hand in some of the hilarious voiceovers as some of the dialogue has a distinct Wood ring to it. I’m thinking specifically of the scene where one of the killers contemplates suicide. (“This is gonna leave a mess. I hope the landlord won’t be too mad.”)
The dialogue between the killers regarding the professor being in a vegetative state is great too:
“He’s gonna lay there like a carrot! A big carrot!”
“I never did like carrots!”
Hollywood Meat Cleaver Massacre has that look that only late ‘70s horror movies have. It has redder than red blood, sleazy shots of Hollywood Boulevard, and chintzy fashions galore. The print is excellent too, which makes it all really pop. The simple use of library music really works too. (I think that one guitar sting was stolen from the trailer for Torso.)
Most times when movies like this have freakout and nightmare sequences, it’s just because the filmmakers needed to pad out the running time. The freakouts here are legitimately eerie, effective, and genuinely unsettling. The psychic murders are a hoot too. In one scene, a guy gets his guts ripped out by sentient desert grass. I can honestly say I’ve never seen that in a picture before. Another person is crushed by the hood of a car, and one dude gets his eyeball ripped out. And when we finally see the monster, it’s revealed to be something that looks like a cross between Swamp Thing and Rob Zombie cosplaying as Jordy Verrill. That is to say, it’s awesome.
And to think, if someone… ANYONE got massacred with a meat cleaver (or if there was actually a single SHOT) of a meat cleaver, this might’ve got Four Stars!
AKA: Meatcleaver Massacre. AKA: Morak. AKA: The Evil Force. AKA: Revenge of the Dead.
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