Thursday, November 30, 2023

TUBI-WEEN HANGOVER: THE TWELVE SLAYS OF CHRISTMAS (2022) **

Three women (Lauren Nicole Smith, Dare Taylor, and Cody Renee Cameron) are traveling in a snowstorm when their car breaks down.  They seek shelter in a remote manor that’s all decked out for Christmas where they are greeted by their creepy old host, Ignatius (Tom Fitzpatrick).  He then proceeds to let them open twelve gifts and tells them the story behind each one.

If you’re hoping this is going to be a Christmas anthology horror flick, you might be disappointed to learn it’s just another one of those Full Moon Features clip show packages.  Instead of holiday themed stories, Ignatius just hands the girls gifts containing a different toy of a Full Moon character as he relates flashback montages/greatest hits collection of their kills.  The monsters include Jack Attack, the murderous jack-in-the-box from Demonic Toys, the Gingerdead Man, Baby Oopsie, Evil Bong, and various puppets from the Puppet Master franchise.  The toys themselves look like an attempt by producer Charles Band to advertise a new Full Moon toy line, which makes this kind of feel like an overlong toy commercial.  

It’s a shame all this is so disposable, because the Christmas mansion set has some nice production values.  The trio of ladies are all easy on the eyes too, which helps.  (Speaking of eyes, it looks like Smith is suffering from a wicked case of pink eye.)  Ignatius himself is a neat mix of Scrooge and Nosferatu.  I just wish he had more to do.

Writer/director William Butler deserves credit for his ability to scrunch a whopping twelve segments into a scant forty-one minutes.  Despite the breezy running time, you still walk away wanting more.  Who knows?  With a little bit more care, and a better choice of clips, this could’ve worked.  Maybe it all depends on how much eggnog you consume before you watch it.

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