God, remember when Jersey Shore was a thing? Now you can relive those horrifying days with this tangibly related horror flick. Oh, and by “tangibly related”, I mean because both have “Jersey Shore” in the title and the fact that it’s executive-produced by Jersey Shore cast member Jenni “JWOWW” Farley.
A bunch of Jersey girls head down the shore for a girls’ weekend. When they learn their rental is double booked, they go to stay at a relative’s house in the spooky Pine Barrens. Eventually, they are picked off one by one by an unseen menace.
The Jersey girls are thoroughly annoying, but that just means the actresses all did their job. I can’t say you’ll root for any of them to make it out alive, but there is a sense of relief when one of them gets slaughtered. The slaughtering, it should be said, is juicy. We get throat slashing, death by tanning bed, a meat cleaver to the tiddy, double impalement via samurai sword, a dildo to the eye, some robust gut spilling, and in the film’s best scene, the killer uses an electric sander to sand away one juicehead’s chintzy tribal tattoos.
For most of the movie, you don’t know who is doing the killing. Is it one of the inbred locals from the Pine Barrens? Or is it the mythical Jersey Devil? I wish the majority of the kills weren’t the work of an unseen killer from just offscreen. Then again, I guess it doesn’t matter who the killer is as long as trashy Jersey Shore tourists get massacred.
The movie is not without its faults. A lot of the screen time is devoted to the girls hanging out on the beach, partying, and arguing. There are also sequences from a film within a film (Fat Camp Massacre) that helps pad things out. That said, it gives the viewer a reasonable amount of T & A and blood and guts (once the kill scenes finally occur), so I have to say, it was better than expected. (It’s certainly more fun than watching an episode of Jersey Shore.)
Ron Jeremy has a cameo as a stoner landlord.
AKA: Extra.
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