Thursday, November 16, 2023

TUBI-WEEN HANGOVER: REUNION MASSACRE (2014) * ½

Breana Mitchell stars as a woman who recently broke up with her boyfriend (Jarad Allen).  She receives an ominous warning from an automated Zoltar fortune teller at a carnival but thinks nothing of it.  When she gets home, she finds an invitation to her high school reunion waiting for her in the mail.  On her way to the reunion, her car runs out of gas, and she is captured and tormented by a killer in a clown mask. 

Reunion Massacre is only an hour long, so writer/director Dustin Ferguson added bumpers starring a horror hostess named “Grindhouse Ghoulia” (Kerrie Waybright Smith) to beef up the running time.  It’s kind of funny when she goes to say the title of the film, someone else says “Reunion Massacre” over top of her dialogue, which makes it obvious that this was repackaged and/or re-released for Tubi.   (Apparently, the original title was Invitation to Die.)

While Ferguson has the bare bones for a solid horror flick here, it’s mostly undone by all the padding.  He gives us long scenes of Mitchell cooking and eating spaghetti, a montage of her and a gal pal putting up Halloween decorations, pointless driving scenes, black and white domestic abuse flashbacks, negative image dream scenes, needless shots of Mitchell hanging around a botanical garden, and a lot of time is spent on her carving a pumpkin.  There’s even a scene where she lies on the couch and watches Casablanca.  Note to prospective filmmakers:  Never show a scene of someone watching Casablanca in your crappy movie because it will just make the audience wish they were watching Casablanca instead. 

Oh, and can you even call this Reunion Massacre if she never even makes it to the reunion?  Shouldn’t it be called On the Way to the Reunion Massacre?  Still, as bad as most of this is, it’s far from the worst Dustin Ferguson movie I’ve seen. 

AKA:  Invitation to Die.

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