Wrestle Massacre brings me to the end of my streak of watching movies with the word “Massacre” in the title on Tubi. I hope this is the last one I watch for a long time that doesn’t have the words “Texas”, “Chainsaw”, and/or “Slumber Party” in the title. This is also our second wrestling-themed “Massacre” flick this month. Although there are many wrestlers in the cast, the only ones I recognized were Tony Atlas, Jimmy Valiant, and Nikolai Volkoff.
Randy (Richie Acevedo AKA: “The Cuban Assassin”) is a landscaper with aspirations of becoming a pro wrestler. After he gets fired, has his wrestling dreams squashed, and is chewed out by his abusive father (Volkoff), he finally snaps and goes on a killing spree.
Things get off to a good start with an opening credits sequence where Acevedo chases a naked chick through the forest. The gore is also strong throughout as there is plenty of throat ripping, face ripping, finger ripping, ear ripping, tongue ripping, gut ripping, tit ripping, head ripping, arm ripping, leg ripping, and spine ripping to go around. Other kills include electrocution, death by garden implements (among them: Weed whacker, garden shears, and shovel), head stomping, eye gouging, and stoning. The most horrifying sight of all though is seeing Shawn C. Phillips in drag. There’s also a cool scene where Acevedo makes like a combination of Ed Gein and Andre the Giant and creates a wrestling belt out of human skin. Despite the gory goodness on display (not to mention a healthy dose of T & A), it falls just short of being King of the Ring.
The main issue is the inflated running time. At an even one-hundred minutes, it could’ve easily been a good twenty minutes shorter. It takes almost an hour for Acevedo to snap too. I know the filmmakers were trying to draw it out and make you sympathize with him, but honestly, the constant stalling really prevents it from getting into gear. Also, the revenge scenes feel kind of rushed, which is unfortunate, and most of the carnage occurs during a montage, which is odd. (It would’ve been more effective if it had been allowed to play out longer instead of a series of quick-cut murders.) The finale takes place in near total darkness too, which kinda sucks. There are also too many characters (the guy who owes loan sharks a big gambling debt gets way too much screen time) that get in the way of the wrestling vengeance plot.
Even with all the unnecessary characters and subplots, this could’ve easily been a *** movie at eighty minutes. One-hundred minutes is a different story altogether.
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