THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: CABIN FEVER (2016) * ½

Cabin Fever is about as unnecessary a remake as there ever has been.  I mean, the original was only thirteen years old when this was made and from the looks of things, the franchise was far from being put on life support.  In fact, the DTV sequels were marginally better than most franchises.  I’m sure they could’ve squeezed out a few more of them before panicking and hitting the reboot button.  

The original film’s director, Eli Roth “presented” the film and also co-wrote the script.  However, I think this is one of those deals where the new filmmakers changed so little of the old script that the original screenwriter gets credit because of the writing guild rules.  I’m not sure why Roth did this, other than a paycheck, but the whole thing is just uninspired and a tad depressing, especially when you consider just how mind-blowing Cabin Fever was when it first came out.

If you’ve already seen the original, there’s very little reason to see this.  Sometimes, director Travis Zariwny remakes the original scene for scene using identical dialogue and camerawork.  There are a few concessions to updating the material, like when the characters complain about not having the internet to play video games, but even these moments land with a thud.  

The one big change is the fact that Deputy Winston is played by a woman, Louise Linton.  This isn’t one of those progressive types of changes where they give a woman an opportunity to update the role.   Instead, she just acts weird and crude, and the effect is just plain odd and doesn’t work at all.  Part of the problem is that Giuseppe Andrews was so memorably offbeat in the original that it’s hard to picture anyone else in the role.  Here, when Linton tries to act off-kilter, it just comes off feeling forced.  The socially awkward moments when she flirts with Matthew Daddario are painfully unfunny and are a bit of a chore to sit through.

Zariwny hits all the highlights of the original, but without the wit and style that Roth brought to the material.  There’s the finger bang scene, the kid who says “Pancakes!” (although he doesn’t do any random Kung Fu moves, which is disappointing), and the leg shaving scene, and yet all of it just feels like a hollow imitation than anything.  It’s almost like you’re watching an Unsolved Mysteries re-enactment of the original than a real movie.

Zariwny also oddly eschews the final nightmarish hospital sequence for whatever reason.  That was one of my favorite bits, so maybe it’s best he left it off limits.  I guess he figured he couldn’t top Roth so why try.  Instead, we get a lame post-credits tag, which adds very little.

In short, this Cabin Fever needs to be quarantined.

AKA:  Cabin Fever:  The New Outbreak.