THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: HALLOWEEN (2018) * ½

Halloween is a good lesson to future filmmakers looking to resurrect dormant horror franchises.  It’s okay to put the original film in the series on a pedestal as long as you don’t look down your nose at the sequels that came before your new movie.  Don’t think that just because you have some of the original heavy hitters involved that it’s okay to retcon decades of enjoyable movies and erase other filmmakers’ hard work out of existence.  I beseech you, if you’re going to retcon something, make sure what you come up with is better than what you are retconning. 

This Halloween plays out as if everything from Halloween 2 (1981) to Halloween 2 (2009) never existed.  Erasing the revelation that Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) is no longer Michael Myers’ sister was shortsighted.  If that’s the case, why does he come after her forty years later then?  Because he’s “pure evil”?  Give me a break. 

Director David Gordon Green is a filmmaker I admire.  I like how he goes from drama (like George Washington) to comedy (like Pineapple Express) seemingly on a whim.  I’ve also enjoyed his work on the small screen and believe Vice Principals to be one of the best shows in the past decade.  However, I don’t think he was the best choice to bring Michael Myers back.

A lot of the problem has to do with the staging of the suspense sequences.  In just about every case, there is no build up.  No tension.  No suspense.  The Shape just shows up and starts killing people.  Gone is the Myers who would hide in the bushes, disappearing at random, hiding under a sheet, and playing with the psyche of his intended victims.  This Myers is surprisingly much closer to the one found in the Rob Zombie movies (minus the weird beard and the extreme bulk) as the kills are often over the top and gory, (which is something the original Myers never was).  In fact, the highlight of the movie directly rips off Zombie’s Halloween 2, which in a film so beholden to John Carpenter’s original, is odd to say the least. 

Speaking of Zombie’s sequel, that film did a much better job at exploring Laurie Strode’s past trauma.  Heck, even Jamie Lee Curtis’ quiet scenes with Adam Arkin in H20 are more effective than her shrill yelling and bitching at her family’s lack of Boogeyman preparedness.  Say what you will about Halloween:  Resurrection, the Laurie vs. Michael scenes in that flick were better executed, and there’s nothing here remotely as satisfying as the axe scene at the culmination of H20. 

The subplot involving Myers’ new doctor is among the worst in the entire Halloween series.  Yes, that includes the cult of the Thorn.  Yes, that includes Busta Rhymes.

While we’re on the subject of Busta Rhymes, have you even watched Resurrection lately?  The lame “webcast” shit in that movie has not aged well at all.  In fact, it feels more dated in many ways than the original.  This Halloween revolves heavily around a couple of knuckleheads doing a podcast.  It’s my belief that this insipid plot device will date this entry even worse.

I also take issue with turning Laurie into a Sarah Connor knockoff.  (Right down to the fact that her kid was taken away from her by the authorities.)  Seeing her go from meek babysitter to pistol-packing granny is jarring to say the least.  Maybe if there were more scenes addressing her coming to terms with the ’78 attack, I could’ve accepted it.  However, it’s all done with shockingly little substance and no real motivation other than she wants to kill Michael.  Also, how can you introduce three generations of Strode women, but then give them no real meaningful scenes together?  (Their dinner table scene is cringe-worthy.)

The new characters are even worse.  In addition to the aforementioned doctor, this movie contains some of the worst teenage characters I’ve seen in a horror film lately.  They’re all awful characters whose only purpose is to be killed by Michael Myers.  I did like Will Patton as the sheriff, but he was woefully underserved by his thinly written character.

Even the finale, which is laboriously set-up fails to pack much of a punch.  The reverse-callbacks of the original are almost laughable.  (Although they got a big reaction from the opening night crowd, which just goes to show this is little more than hollow fan service.)  Maybe that’s because I felt absolutely nothing for this iteration of Laurie.  At least her character in H20 had a little spunk to her.  Here, she’s less a human being and more of a plot device to take out Michael Myers once and for all.  

I mean take the finale of H20 for example.  She locked her son out of the school in order to face Michael Myers alone.  Her first thought was to make sure her son was safe.  In this one, she locks her daughter INSIDE a basement with Myers on the loose in the house.  It’s even worse when it’s revealed (SPOILER) that the basement has been designed as a trap for Michael, which makes her daughter the bait!  That just didn’t sit well with me.  Heck, Curtis’ death scene in Resurrection is more touching than anything she did here. 

Which brings me to my biggest complaint about the movie.  It just feels so… ordinary.  Things happen in it, sure, but Green tries to downplay so much of the suspense that it might as well been nonexistent.  Halloween ’18 is competent on a technical level.  It’s well-shot and looks great.  But, is it a worse sin to be mind-numbingly awful like Halloween 6 or Halloween 8 or aggressively not good like this one?  At least those two films had memorable moments.  This one is mostly forgettable.

I never thought a movie would make me yearn for Josh Hartnett, but here we are. 

Are you craving more reviews of horror sequels?  Well, you can read all about them in my latest book, The Bloody Book of Horror, which is currently on sale at Amazon.  Get your copy HERE