THE 31 MOVIES OF HORROR-WEEN: THE CONJURING 2 (2016) **

Paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga) go to London to investigate a possessed girl who lives in a supposedly haunted house.  Together with a team of local doctors, they try to uncover the nature of the girl’s trauma.  The investigation is called off when a videotape surfaces that suggests the girl may be faking the whole thing.  However, thanks to their psychic abilities, the Warrens come back to the house and discover the supernatural shenanigans are very real.

Director James Wan did a fine job on The Conjuring, so it’s a bit of a mystery that he never hits a consistent tone with this sequel.  He often struggles to find a balance between the subtle scares (like toy fire trucks rolling around by themselves) and the over-the-top CGI nonsense (like the stupid looking “Crooked Man”).  It’s almost like there’s no middle ground in between the two.  The overreliance on jump scares also gets a bit grating as the film goes along.  The opening sequence, a séance set in the Amityville Horror house, is a lot of fun though, and it almost makes you wish the whole movie revolved around that.

Instead, we have a lot of shoehorned subplots that fight for supremacy.  In addition to the old geezer who’s trying to possess the girl, we also have a ghost nun (who seems to portend Ed’s demise), and the aforementioned Crooked Man specter (who… uh… doesn’t do much).  All of this just feels overstuffed.  I mean the haunted hag in a habit (who eventually got her own spin-off movie, which I may or may not be able to squeeze in this month) sort of belongs there, but that Crooked Man dude is rather unnecessary.  Not to mention the fact that he looks like he came out of an episode of Goosebumps or something.

The inflated running time (133 minutes) doesn’t help matters any.  The first half is especially slow going as it takes a good hour for the Warrens to finally take the trek to England.  From then on, things improve somewhat, but it lacks the panache of the original Conjuring in just about every regard.  The ending is also needlessly drawn out and curiously low on chills.

The scenes of the family in England dealing with Exorcist/Poltergeist-style happenings don’t have enough money shots to make for a fun (or scary) ride and the relationship stuff between Wilson and Farmiga isn’t all that compelling either.  Throughout the film you have a feeling that their talents are largely going to waste, which further cements the overall atmosphere of disappointment.  Wilson does get to do a not-bad Elvis impression when he sings “I Can’t Help Falling in Love with You” to the kids.  If they ever make 3000 Miles to Graceland 2, Wilson would be right at home playing one of the leads.

The Conjuring 2 is just weak all the way around.  It’s especially lame whenever Wan tries to make the most mundane things seem supernatural.  I mean in one scene, a remote control disappears and we’re supposed to think the ghost did it.  Hell, I don’t know about you, but disappearing remote controls are an everyday occurrence in my house and you don’t see me calling Patrick Wilson over it.

For more horror reviews, check out my latest book, The Bloody Book of Horror, which is currently on sale at Amazon.  Get your copy here:  https://www.amazon.com/Bloody-Book-Horror-Mitch-Lovell/dp/1542566622/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1538450805&sr=8-3