“Immortality? Why would anyone want to live forever in a world like this?”
This question is pondered out of the blue by an unseen narrator early on in Frozen Scream. The query is posed in between a scene of a floating head that’s superimposed over a starfield and a scene where a bug-eyed strangler murders a couple in a swimming pool. Shortly thereafter, there are phone conversations where the camera never is on the person talking, which means it’s easier to dub in the dialogue after the fact. (This is also known as “Pulling a Doris Wishman.”)
I wasn’t even five minutes into the flick, and I already knew I was in deep trouble.
Five minutes later, the narrator comes back, identifies himself as a cop, and tells us how he’s been investigating the murders. Unfortunately, he chose to do this during a long dialogue scene between the heroine and her doctor, so there’s narration stacked upon dialogue and overlapping to the point that it feels like a ramshackle Altman movie. This technique is used throughout the film, which begs the question: Why go through all the trouble to poorly dub your dialogue if you’re just going to dub narration over the whole conversation anyway?
Speaking of the dialogue, it’s spoken by actors who A) Flub their lines B) Speak in blank, expressionless monotone and C) Have accents so thick it sounds like Lili Von Shtupp impersonating Dr. Ruth.
In short, this movie is like a seven-layer cake of suck with each layer suckier than the next.
Bright spots include an OK nightmare scene, a few nifty (albeit brief) gore effects (including an axe to the face and a shard of glass to the eye), and a nude dream sequence. The most hilarious scene involves a rock band singing covers of “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On” and “Rock Around the Clock”, but slurring the words in such a manner that I assume was their slick way of avoiding paying any royalties.
Co-Written by Michael (Blood Diner) Sonye.
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