Chuck (Alfonso Landa) is a low-level enforcer who works for a gangster named Max. His job detail is to walk up and down Bourbon Street and make collections. When the hookers can’t pay, he smacks them up a bit. Max eventually decides to make him a full partner, but before Chuck can get his feet wet, Max is brutally gunned down. Soon, goons come crawling out of the woodwork to shake Chuck down.
Directed by Jack (Crypt of Dark Secrets) Weis, You Never Gave Me Roses (which is listed on Tubi as Death Brings Roses) boasts some good Bourbon Street location work. Too bad the story is pedestrian, the plot is uninvolving, and the pacing is curiously stagnant. I guess it almost works as a travelogue for the French Quarter in the ‘70s. It’s certainly much too mundane to cut it as a slice-of-life tale of a streetwise pimp. Nor is it nasty and tough enough to make for a seedy crime story.
Landa is kind of dull in the lead, but it’s nice seeing some real stars appearing in a Weis movie for a change. Scott Brady is good as a Mafioso and Broderick Crawford also shows up as a bartender. The best part though is seeing Henny Youngman (!) basically playing himself. Not only that, but he also does his usual schtick on stage, which means You Never Gave Me Roses would make for a good double feature with The Gore Gore Girls (which also featured Youngman in a small role).
It’s Crypt of Dark Secrets’ Maureen Chan who makes the most memorable impression as a hot to trot hooker who bangs Chuck and says, “When you make love, it’s like going to the toilet! No emotion. No feeling. No nothing!” If the script had a couple more howlers like this one, it might’ve been worth it. However, I don’t think anyone will be giving You Never Gave Me Roses its flowers anytime soon.
AKA: Death Brings Roses.
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