Monday, September 18, 2023

TUBI CONTINUED… SHARK BAIT (2022) **

If you loved The Shallows and enjoyed Open Water, then you might almost be able to barely tolerate this Tubi Original.  A group of some of the most annoying characters I’ve encountered in some time are partying it up on Spring Break in Mexico.  One morning, the still-drunk delinquents decide to steal a couple of jetskis and speed around in the middle of nowhere.  They get the dumb idea to play chicken and stupidly crash into one another at high speed.  Naturally, this totals both vehicles and seriously injures one idiot.  Before long, his gaping wound attracts a bloodthirsty shark who is all too eager to put some Spring Breakers on the menu.

Shark Bait is appropriately named since the characters solely exist to be eaten by the shark.  In a way, it sort of helps that they are all raging morons because then it’s at least a little satisfying once they are finally chomped on.  However, the long scenes of them horsing around grate on the nerves something fierce.  The love triangle shit between the Final Girl (Holly Earl), her cheating boyfriend (Jack Trueman), and her promiscuous best friend (Catherine Hannay) is weak as shit too.

Since the cast is smallish and the action is contained, that means the body count is low and we don’t see much of the shark.  I know… I know… we didn’t see much of it in Jaws either, but director James (The Marine 5:  Battleground) Nunn is clearly no Spielberg.  Aside from one decent scene where the shark scoops up a guy in its maw and his watch gets caught in a chick’s hair and drags her down too, there’s nothing really memorable here.  

At least Hannay is easy on the eyes.  It also doesn’t hurt that she spends most of her screen time in a bikini.  So, there are certainly worse ways to spend your time on Tubi.  

Bottom Line:  Despite a decent hook, Shark Bait mostly bites.

AKA:  Shark Bay.  AKA:  Jetski.  

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