THE RENTAL (2020) **

The Rental is one of those low-key horror movies that’s too low key for its own good.  Part of the problem has to do with the premise, which is thin as paper and twice as flimsy.  Two couples rent an Airbnb in a remote beachfront property and…

Let me stop right there.  That’s the movie’s first mistake.  If these bozos just got a hotel like normal people, they wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with. 

It’s also obvious from the start that two halves of each couple are secretly screwing on the side.  Gee, I wonder if their respective partners will find out and get jealous?

The caretaker is a creepy old dude.  Immediate red flag.  Especially when he pops in and out unannounced.  And what are the chances he’s hidden cameras everywhere to spy on his guests?  This wouldn’t happen at a Ramada. 

There’s more.  The listing says no pets allowed.  The idiots bring their dog.  (SPOILER: The dog lives, but they have reason to believe he’s dead, which brings matters to a boil.)

Now, I know what you’re going to say:   “If the people in this movie actually behaved like smart individuals, they wouldn’t be in a horror movie.”  And you’d be correct.  But if you’ve got to be in a horror movie, then go over the top with it.  Trying to be all subtle about shit just doesn’t work.  Go for the gore and forget the mind games.  Call it “Scare BNB” and have blood dripping from the walls and chainsaw-wielding clowns and shit.  One dude in a Halloween mask lurking about for eighty minutes just doesn’t cut it. 

Director Dave Franco (James’ brother) usually acts in comedies and shit.  His handling of a horror flick is no laughing matter.  At least his leading lady (and offscreen wife) Alison (GLOW) Brie is somewhat amusing during the scene where she’s high as a kite while everyone else contends with a potentially sinister situation. 

Other than her performance, I would say you’re better off taking a staycation than watching The Rental.  (Hey there’s an idea:  SLAY-Cation!  Money in the bank!)