Thursday, December 12, 2024

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: THE TOUCH (1973) **

FORMAT:  DVD

John Holmes stars as a sleazy drug dealer named Mario who is looking to make one last score.  He blackmails a sexy associate to do his dirty work for him and sell off his remaining stash of coke.  She then goes around to her various contacts and friends unloading the white powder and collecting the dough.  Whenever her clients snort the South American booger sugar, the druggies get so turned on they wind up banging the closest gal they can find.  Eventually, our heroine makes a play to get out from under Mario’s thumb once and for all. 

The Touch is an unspectacular porno marred by a lack of budget (there are multiple boom shadows on the wall).  In fact, it might’ve been totally forgettable if it wasn’t for the participation of the legendary John Holmes.  In one scene, the King uses his Pythonesque pecker to bang a sexy French maid.  Later, he has a three-way with some ladies of the evening.  His on-screen trysts aren’t great or anything, but Holmes’ star power is evident, even during the perfunctory dialogue scenes. 

The scenes that don’t involve Holmes are a mixed bag.  Nearly all of them have a bright spot or two (like when the secretary put coke on her boss’ dick), but for the most part, they are indifferently shot, contain lackluster performances, and are not very erotic.  The big problem is that a third of the movie is plot (and by “plot” I mean someone buying drugs), another third is devoted to sex, and the final third is nothing but people snorting coke.  It all gets repetitive in a hurry. 

It’s not all bad though.  I did like the scene where our heroine sold her wares to a nudist hippie commune.  I’m sure it saved the production money in the wardrobe department.  Unfortunately, moments like these are few and far between.  To put it another way, The Touch never really grabs you. 

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