Thursday, December 5, 2024

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: THE PINELANDS MURDERS! (2012) * ½

FORMAT:  BLU-RAY

Michael Mann.  Alfred Hitchcock.  John Woo.  Gary Whitson.  What do these directors have in common?  They all remade one of their own films.  In the case of The Pinelands Murders!,  it’s a remake of Whitson’s Dead North. 

Remaking Dead North wasn’t the worst idea in the world as it was one of Whitson’s weakest efforts.  The problem is he basically uses the same exact script.  Even worse, the amateurish actors in this version aren’t even up to snuff with the original cast. 

The plot is identical.  A group of friends go out into the woods on a camping trip.  Before long, they are picked off one by one by a killer. 

The good news is that this clocks in twelve minutes shorter than the original.  The bad news is that it’s still ninety-eight minutes long.  That’s still about thirty-eight minutes longer than the movie really needed to be.  At least the characters head out to the campsite faster than they did in the first movie.  And by that, I mean they get to the woods a half-hour into the running time instead of forty-five minutes. 

The Pinelands Murders! was included as a special bonus feature on the Dead North Blu-Ray.  Watching them back-to-back as I did gives you a palpable sense of déjà vu.  The dialogue and staging of many scenes are identical to that of Dead North.  Watching them side by side it’s obvious that Whitson didn’t even try to improve upon the material, but merely recycle it. 

That said, there is one additional twist near the end, but it seems unnecessary.  That is, unless you want a “happy” ending from something like this.  Another addition here that is not present in the original is the impromptu water fight accompanied by a goofy sitcom soundtrack.  This might actually be the best part of the movie.  If only there were more oddball flourishes like this.  After this inspired bit of silliness, this remake of Dead North heads due south real fast. 

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