FORMAT: DVD
Tammy Parks is in desperate search of her lesbian vampire queen. (Hey, aren’t we all?) Meanwhile, some investors decide to create another Titanic and learning nothing from history (or the James Cameron movie), cut corners every chance they get. (This being a Seduction Cinema movie, everyone pronounces it “TITantic”.) Little do they know Tammy has snuck her coffin aboard the ship for its maiden voyage. TITanic passenger Tina Krause is unhappy in her love life and meets Tammy on the ship. Naturally, they are destined to be together, but will the sinking ship ruin their chance at bliss?
TITanic 2000: Vampire of the TITanic is more or less the ultimate Seduction Cinema movie as it features many of their in-house starlets and directors appearing in small roles. Unfortunately, “ultimate” doesn’t necessarily translate into “best”. I can understand trying to parody what was then the biggest movie of all time, but adding lesbian vampires to the mix was a… choice. I’m not complaining mind you. More movies should have lesbian vampires in them if you ask me. It’s just lesbian vampires and a Titanic spoof go together like oil and water.
The scenes that poke fun at Titanic aren’t exactly clever or funny. In fact, the comedy that has nothing to do with Titanic (or lesbian vampires) is often excruciating and elicit more groans than laughs. At least it has more boobs than that James Cameron flick.
The greenscreen and CGI effects are pretty lousy. I mean, the boat itself looks like something out of the “Money for Nothing” music video. You probably won’t care though, mostly because of all the boobs.
Tammy really steals the movie. She also has a great scene where she emerges from her coffin to perform a sexy striptease. Tina looks fantastic too and has plenty of opportunities to disrobe (including a spoof of the nude painting scene from Titanic). Misty Mundae has a cameo as a guitar player, but sadly she doesn’t get naked, which is a bigger bummer than any Titanic-related tragedy.
AKA: TITanic 2000. AKA: Scary Sexy Disaster Movie. AKA: TITanic Double-D. AKA: Vampire of the TITanic.
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