Thursday, December 19, 2024

LET’S GET PHYSICAL: THE SCORPION (1975) ** ½

FORMAT:  DVD

A concerned woman hires a sleazy private eye to find her missing sister.  He agrees to take the case, but not before he forces himself on her first.  Together, they investigate a scorpion cult who are having a meeting that night.  (It looks like your average run of the mill ‘70s swingers’ club.)  Oh, and you can tell who’s a member of the cult by the prominent scorpion tattoo just below their waistline (which is to say, everybody).  After balling her way through the cult, our poor heroine finally learns the not-so shocking truth about her sister. 

As far as twist endings in detective stories go, let’s just say the one in The Scorpion is no Chinatown or anything.  Not by a long shot.  At least it has an ending, which is something that can’t be said for some of these pornos I’ve been watching lately.  (Speaking of endings, the words “The End” are written on a woman’s butt cheeks, which was a nice touch.)

The Scorpion is your typical low budget ‘70s porno.  You’ve seen worse and you’ve certainly seen better, but it gets the job done for the most part.  I will say that I do have to knock a few points off just because the women in this one are lousy with stretch marks.  They have more stripes on them than a tiger.  One even has a fairly deep Caesarian scar.  At least they all look pretty hot above the waist and have no qualms about getting it on.  I guess that’s the most important thing. 

Don’t get me wrong.  The Scorpion is still cheap as fuck.  I mean you can hear the director (a woman) yell “and… ACTION!” at the start of one scene.  Despite the chintzy production values, I have to say that the hardcore action really isn’t all that bad.  That’s the main criteria for judging something like this anyway.  There’s a lot of variety here too.  We get traditional guy on girl, lesbian, interracial, and three-ways.  Since there’s a little something for everybody, I can’t really judge it too harshly. 

Overall, The Scorpion doesn’t have much sting to it, but it’s a passable retro porno. 

AKA:  Cult of the Scorpion.

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